By Olga Alvarado-Cofresi
Alexandria VAUSA
奥尔加•阿尔瓦拉多-科夫莱西
美国维吉尼亚州亚历山大
From NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 18 No. 1, January-February 2001, pp. 16-17
国际母乳会杂志《新起点》
李静译,Shiuh-jane、Daisy审稿
It’s 8 AM. I take my baby out of the sling and nurse her to sleep for her first nap of the day. I’m thrilled that I will get to sleep again, but it takes me a good half-hour to unwind. The cold I’ve been fighting is catching up with me, my eyes are heavy, and I start to doze. A gas mower starts its engine, a neighbor tinkers with a hammer, and the trash truck beeps and bangs outside. I’m awake and quickly cover Luna’s exposed ear and pray that she doesn’t wake also. I look at her eyelids—holding my breath. The voices in my head start their usual cheering, “Sleep, baby, sleep! No, don’t open, no, no, no, not yet! Close! You can do it, come on!” A grunt and groan later, two beautiful large grayish brown eyes stare back at me and a toothless grin stretches across a lazy face. My heart melts.
早上八点钟。我将宝宝从背巾里抱出来，喂奶哄她，进入今天的第一次小睡。很高兴我也可以再睡会儿，花了足足半个小时的时间才将她放下。我还在与感冒抗争，眼皮抬不起来，晕晕乎乎的。外面的割草机发动引擎、邻居用斧子修补着什么、运垃圾的卡车噼里啪啦地巨响。我被吵醒，迅速地把露娜露出的小耳朵盖上，保佑她不要醒啊。我屏住呼吸，看了看她的眼皮。脑海里回荡着我经常给她唱的歌谣：“睡吧，宝贝儿，睡吧！不要睁开双眼，别，别，别，先别醒！闭上眼睛，来吧，再睡一会儿！”一阵咕咕哝哝之后，她睁开一对炯炯有神的灰色眼睛瞧着我，慵懒的小脸蛋儿上咧着小嘴笑，还没长牙。我的心都醉了。
It’s noon and we’re in a different room—a darker and cooler one. Luna is asleep and still on my breast after another half-hour of sucking. I am sure my bladder is going to explode. My nose itches. I lay still, my back aching from lying like a snake. But I look at her and smile. She looks like an angel. She finally unlatches with a look of utter contentment. She sighs, and rests her cheek and hand on my breast. Now how can I move? After almost four months, I still can’t bear to do anything when she does this. I wish I could take a picture of the moment and capture not just the precious image, but the unconditional love I feel and the serenity and security she feels.
中午时分，我们换了另外一间暗一些凉快些的房间。露娜睡着了，吃了半小时的奶之后仍然躺在我的怀里。我憋着尿意，鼻子痒痒的。我静静地就像蛇一样躺着，后背疼痛难忍。我微笑着看着她。她就像一个天使。最后，她表情满足地伸展了一下，长出了口气，脸颊和小手靠在我的胸前。现在我怎么能动呢？大概四个月左右，她每次有这种表情的时候，我还是什么都不舍做。我多希望抓拍这一瞬间，拍下的不光是这美妙的景象，也记录着我对她无条件的爱和她内心的平静和安全感。
It’s been awhile now—surely she’s in deep sleep. I slither off the bed and barely touch the floor as I leave the room, one last glance toward her to confirm she’s asleep. In less than five minutes, I’ve heated up my lunch, used the bathroom, blown my nose, emptied the dishwasher, tripped over the cat twice, and logged on to the Internet for my daily email fix. Suddenly, the UPS guy bangs forcefully on the door and rings the doorbell repeatedly. I sprint frantically to the door before he does it again, grab my recent order of parenting books, wave hello and goodbye and shut the door in his face before he knows what hit him. I tiptoe to the room to find Luna staring up at the ceiling fan, talking to it. Spit-up runs down the side of her cheek and into the creases of her neck. There is a tiny bloodied fingernail scratch on her forehead. She sees me and smiles.
过了一段时间，她终于熟睡了。我轻轻滑到床下，轻轻地离开房间，再次确定她已熟睡。转眼功夫，我就已经热好午饭，洗了个澡，擤鼻涕，清理好洗碗机，被猫咪绊了两次，然后上网处理一些邮件。突然联邦快递的一个家伙猛烈地敲门，还不停地按门铃。我疾步冲到门口，免得他再按，我拿到最近订购的父母指导丛书，招手表示问好和再见，他还不知道发生什么，我就关上了门。我踮着脚尖走回房间，这时露娜望着吊扇，在依依呀呀地说话呢。吐出的奶水沿着她的脸颊流到了脖子里。前额上有她用手指挠红的印迹。她笑盈盈地望着我。
It’s around 4:30 PM and she’s been sleeping for a good 45 minutes. I feel triumphant because I’ve cut her nails very short, not minding the painful position I had to get into to do so. I finally relax and decide to nap as I realize I’m exhausted from hourly feedings and many walks around the house. The made-up songs I’ve been singing to her start playing in my head and soon I drift off as her silky hair tickles my chin. As I’m starting to dream, my partner, Brunie, opens the front door, greets the cat, and announces loudly, “I’m home!” Like a mirror, I see Luna’s eyes as soon as I open mine. Were both wide-eyed and still tired. I hear again, “I’m home!” Yeah, we know.
大约下午四点半，她又足足地睡了45分钟。我心里很得意，因为我剪短了她的指甲，我根本毫不在乎剪指甲时让人难受的姿势。终于，我也可以放松一下了，决定小憩一下，频繁地喂奶和在房间里不停地走来走去让我筋疲力尽。脑海里又浮现出我给她自编的歌谣，她丝质般的头发使我的下巴痒痒的，我的思绪开始漂浮。正要进入梦乡的时候，我的老公布鲁尼推开了前门，叫了一声猫咪，然后就大声地说“我回来了”。仿佛有面镜子，我一睁眼，就看到了露娜也睁开了眼睛。我们俩眼睛睁得大大的，可我还是很累。然后我就又听到他喊着：“我回来了！”唉，我们都知道啦。
It’s 7 PM and she is exhausted. I nurse her and hope that she falls asleep soon because my stomach is growling. She does and by 7:30, I’m able to sit down, eat dinner, and talk with Brunie. Luna finally sleeps.
晚上7点，她又困了。我给她喂奶，盼望她早点睡着，因为我已经饥肠辘辘了。她睡着了，到7:30时，我才能够坐下来吃晚饭，和布鲁尼说说话。露娜沉沉地睡着了。
It’s sometime between 8:30 and 9 PM. I’m ready. My body is crying out for sleep. I sink into the bed next to my sweet baby and quench her need for a quick feeding. The room is dark. My throat hurts and I feel worse. I turn on the sound machine to ocean waves and imagine myself by the shore, sun beating on my shoulders. I close my eyes and smile when I feel two tiny feet land on my thighs. I hear Luna’s breathing. She is in deep sleep. I join her.
大概在晚上8:30和9点之间，我准备睡觉了，好想睡觉啊。我栽倒在床上，睡在我可爱的宝贝儿旁边，她很快吸吮了一会。房间黑黑的，喉咙很痛，我感觉不妙。打开音响，听着海浪的声音，我想象着自己在海边，肩膀上沐浴着阳光。闭上眼睛，露出一丝微笑，我感觉到两个小脚丫放到了我的大腿上，我听到了露娜沉沉的呼吸声，她熟睡了，我也加入了她的梦乡。
I’m dreaming that I am looking down through a large window at a basketball game. The crowd stares back at me, and I realize I’m not wearing a shirt. But then—what’s that sound? A horse? A pig? I open my eyes and realize it’s Brunie snoring. The sound echoes in my ears, bouncing back and forth, getting louder and louder. It’s 10:30 PM and I’m awake until at least midnight while everyone else sleeps. At that moment, I wonder if my other stay-at-home mother friends are going through the same kind of things at this hour. Maybe I can call one of them, but I choose not to.
我梦见我正在透过窗户观看一场篮球比赛，人群中有人朝我看过来，我才意识到我都没有穿衬衫。然后——听到了什么声音？马还是猪的声音？我睁开眼睛，发现原来是布鲁尼在打呼噜。呼噜声不停地响着，而且还越来越大。现在是晚上10:30，我就醒了，直到午夜才又睡着，大家早已熟睡。那时我就在想，我那些全职当了妈妈的朋友们此刻应该和我一样吧，或许我可以给她们其中一位打个电话，但我没有打。
I hear distant ambulances. The house seems alive with sounds. Is someone breaking in? I imagine myself kick boxing the intruder. My heart is racing with the thought of someone hurting my baby. I look over at Luna’s tiny silhouette and am filled with both love and fear. She is ready to breastfeed again and I want to give her more than milk; I want to give her the assurance that nothing will ever hurt her. I thank God for our lives. I caress her small head and let her hang onto my index finger while she sucks in her sleep. She relaxes me and I fall asleep.
我听到了远处传来的救护车的声音。在房间里听得特别清楚。有人闯进来么？我幻想着自己和入室歹徒搏击。一想到有人会伤害到我的宝宝，心脏就跳得飞快。我看看露娜弱小的侧身，心中充满了无限的爱意与恐惧。她又要喝奶了，我想给她的不仅仅是母乳，而是更多；我要让她感到安全，什么都不会伤害到她。感谢上帝赐予我们生命。她吸吮乳汁的时候，我轻抚着她小小的头，让她紧紧地握着我的食指。她让我很放松，我又睡着了。
It’s 4 AM and the cat is meowing outside the bedroom door. I want to scream, “Shut up!” I’m holding my breath again. The baby stirs and, like a fish out of water, Brunie turns this way, then that way— flip, flop. I’m sure Luna will go flying off the bed, but she doesn’t. I muster a, “Shhh”, and the cat eventually stops meowing. All is calm again.
凌晨4点，猫咪不停地在卧室外面喵喵叫，真想喊一声：“别叫了！”我又屏住呼吸，宝贝儿受到了惊吓，就像离开水的鱼一样。布鲁尼翻过来翻过去的——辗转反侧。我肯定露娜想要飞离床，可是她没有。我朝着小猫“嘘”了一声，最后猫咪不叫了。一切又恢复了平静。
It’s 4:30 AM, and I wake up to the sound of Luna talking to the shadows. I smile and whisper, “Hi baby,” and she looks over and squeals with delight. A change of diaper and a nursing settles her.
凌晨4点半，我听到露娜依依呀呀地说话就醒了。我笑着轻声轻语地说，“嗨，宝贝儿，”她看过来，高兴地尖叫起来。给她换尿片，喂奶，她才又安静下来。
It’s about 5:30 AM and Brunie is getting ready for work. I’m reading The Runaway Bunny to Luna who is now wide awake.
大约早上5:30，布鲁尼要上班了，露娜已经醒了，我在给她读《逃跑的布尼》的故事。
It’s 6 AM. She looks sleepy and acts cranky. I’ve breastfed her twice since 4:30. I just finished playing the guitar. I sing, I dance, and I itsy bitsy spider a few times. She gives me the cue and I breastfeed her yet again. She resists her body’s signal to sleep.
早上6点。她有些困意，表现出焦躁不安的情绪。4:30到现在，喂了她两次奶，现在弹完吉他，又给她唱歌、跳舞、再重复唱几次。她又暗示要喝奶了，我再喂了一次，她抗拒着身体的睡意。
It’s 7 AM and I put her in the sling. With my hair in a mess, we go for our daily walk, and I point out the birds, squirrels, and dogs to her. I take my time.
早上7点，我把她抱进了背巾。我的头发乱糟糟的，我们开始了一天的散步。我给她指着小鸟、松鼠和小狗。我享受着美好的时光。
It’s 8 AM.
现在是早上8点。